I'm a wildcat, the apex predator, the queen of the jungle. The Agnes.
I cannot be tamed, not by you or by anybody. I only tolerate your presence because you offer me gifts (and I need you to clean my litter). I won't do tricks for you. And I certainly won't come just because you called my name.
I am the ferocity of nature personified, but I choose to live indoors. Because let's be honest, there is a lot of scary stuff outside, even though I like to look out there sometimes. And I sometimes even get the courage to stand on the porch, but that is a story for another day.
But there is one thing that can get me to forget about all of that. They are the greatest thing to ever grace my life or the life of any feline really. The one thing that will turn me into the cutest animal you ever laid your eyes upon, and it's not by choice. I'll even do a trick for them. I have no control over myself when they come into play.
It's my Kitty Kryptonite. What could they be?
Well, they come in many different names, but they will always be known as greenies to me.
They're the tastiest treats ever made; handed down from the Heavens themselves. Cat-Jesus handcrafted them to be the perfect combination of flavors, though I prefer the ones that taste like fish the best. (Seafood is good too, I won't lower myself to eating chicken or beef.)
I can hear that glorious rustling sound of the bag no matter how far away I am. It’s like a Siren’s call and I’m unable to contain myself. My little body springs into action and I go running towards that brilliant sound at maximum speed and a chorus of meows.
My “help” usually just drops a few of them for me to devour on the ground, which is normally something a fine Persian cat like me would scoff at, but I’ll accept greenies anywhere, including the floor.
In fact, I’m so not my usual self with them involved that I’ll even allow them to be hand-fed into my upside-down Y-shaped mouth. It’s embarrassing to even talk about, being a lady with a panache class.
My “help” might describe me as the grossest fancy cat around, but they are just jealous I’m sure.
I don’t care what they say about me as long as they keep giving me greenies.
The next time I’ll tell you all about the run-ins with my arch rivals. They are the disgusting, vile creatures known as…dogs. Ugh, even just saying their name angers me to no end. I want to scratch one. I hate other cats too, since most of them aren’t fancy like me. But I do love kittens. I wish I had one of my own.
Anyway, until next time, I’m Agnes. You can look, but don’t touch.